Happy 18th Birthday, Jonathan!

Jonathan rarely allowed himself to be photographed,
thus the date on this one!

Today is our oldest son's 18th birthday.  When we first met Jonathan, he was 6 years old...almost 7.  My how time has flown by!  Jonathan is a senior in high school this year and doing well by all accounts.  He has taken up crocheting in his spare time, as well as reading and listening to music.

The following post was written on December 26. I didn't post it then, but for those who are interested, you can read it now.  It pertains to Jonathan.  It is entitled, "When Love is Not Enough".

Happy 18th Birthday, Jonathan...we miss you and love you very much!!

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I've been mulling over this post for quite some time now.  It's hard to put it into words, but I know someone, somewhere, needs to read this.  You see, sometimes, love just is not enough.

Yesterday was a happy day at our house, filled with love, joy, gifts, good food, and family.  Except for one.  You see, our oldest son, who turns 18 in just a few short days, will not be in any of our Christmas pictures this year.  He does not live with us right now, and hasn't for over three months. The reality is, he may never live with us again, but most certainly not for at least a year.  Out of respect for his privacy, I won't go into detail here about the why, but he is in a residential treatment program.  Prior to that, he spent three weeks in juvenile detention.  Prior to that, he and his choices wrecked havoc on our family for 9 months of 2012.  Harsh?  Maybe, but it's the truth.

What's also true is that I love my son very much.  He became a part of our family when he was six years old.  For almost 11 years we loved him and taught him and guided him and loved him some more.  But it wasn't enough.  It wasn't enough to break the hold his past has on his heart and spirit.  We don't know exactly what has a hold on him, but we know he and his biological brother are what are called in the adoption world, "wounded children".  There are many books written on how to "love the wounded child" and "parent the wounded child".  But sometimes, love is not enough.

We went to visit our son yesterday with my parents, his grandparents.  We drove 45 minutes one way to the facility only to be "refused" by our son.  He has rights, too, you know, and his refusal to have contact with us is his trump card right now.  But we wanted him to know that we loved him, and so we made the trip anyway, in hopes that maybe, he would change his mind.  But he didn't.  And it was hard.  Very hard.  For sometimes, love is not enough.

Where am I going with this post?  I don't know.  Except to say that adoption and parenting, and especially adoption parenting, is tough.  Sometimes, really tough.  But even if our son chooses to never see us again, I believe that he was placed in our lives for a reason.  I also believe that we have loved him the best way that we knew how, and it was our love that pushed for him to have this one last chance before "adulthood" to get help for his wounded heart.  Will he understand that one day?  I hope so.  But for now, we face the reality that sometimes, our love is not enough.

But we pray that, someday, our son WILL recognize that GOD'S LOVE is ALWAYS enough.

These Days

These days I am a single parent as Dave learns the ropes to his new job in Indiana.  It will be like this until we move...two weeks away, a weekend home.  All four boys have done a pretty good job of adjusting thus far, but I think it will get old for all of us very soon.  However, this is what we are called to do at this point, so we do it.  I am again reminded that God gives us the strength to do what we need to do when we need to do it.  And I am grateful.

This coming Wednesday is our first court date in Taiwan.  A judge will be hearing our case and subsequently deciding whether or not we can proceed with the adoption of our daughter.  Please pray that all goes quickly and smoothly and that we are not required to jump through any more hoops.  I'm too tired to jump very high...

I've been mulling over the story of Samson this past week as I have taught it to my kindergarten class.  Samson was set apart by God for His service before he was even born.  He was given superhuman strength and really could do anything when God's Spirit was upon him.  However, he chose to follow the lust of the flesh and the desires of his heart instead of God's.  This resulted in his demise.  I was reminded that when we choose to sin, we are choosing the consequences that go with that sin.  Samson could have done so much more for God.  I wonder how much of my own fleshly desires have gotten in the way of what God would have liked for me to accomplish in my own life.  Oh, to be like HIM and not me!

These days, God is stretching me and our family, but still showing His faithfulness and goodness in so many ways.  I will choose to thank Him in the midst of it all.  (Just remind me that I said that when it gets old, okay?)

:)

When It Rains, It Pours!

Ironically, I began my day and week yesterday by reading in the book of Job. Specifically, I was reading about Job's wife and how less-than-encouraging she was to her husband and how we, as wives, should be careful to encourage our husbands in their walks with the Lord. But anyhow, in reading various passages from the book of Job, I was intrigued by Job's response to God at the very end of the book in Job 42:2 where he says, "I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted." No typically we think of God's plans as being great and wonderful things in our lives, but if you look at God's plan for Job's life, the experiences he allowed to happen in Job's lives were much less than great and wonderful! Yet Job realizes that God ultimately sovereign, and in being so, who are we to question His plans? Little did I know what the next 48 hours were going to bring to our lives!

Fast forward a bit and you have my youngest three kiddos playing on the school playground for literally 5 minutes while I finished up in my classroom and Nathaniel falls, hurting his leg. We spend the entire afternoon in the ER only to be sent home with the instructions to see a pedatric orthopedist in the morning because the x-rays are inconclusive as to whether the bone is fractured or not.

Fast forward again to today. We go to the orthopedist who again deems the x-rays to be inconclusive, but the physical examination shows that something is indeed wrong with his upper, inner leg, sort of in the groin/hip area. In order to not incur further damage by waiting unduly for an MRI or bone scan results, his recommendation is to put our little almost two year old in a full body cast to immobilize his pelvic area and allow whatever the problem is to heal. I guess when you have a very active little one, this is the best you can do for him. Of course, he will have to be anesthetized and taken into the OR in order to put on said cast. And of course, I am supposed to be at in service meetings the next three days and school starts on Monday.

But of course, God knows all of that and His plans can't be thwarted! And I thank God that my children are alive and well (unlike Job's children!), and this bump in the road will only make us stronger as a family and as individuals.

But we would covet your prayers! Thanks!

Yard/Bake Sale Update!

Check out our adoption blog here for an update on this past weekend's yard/bake sale fundraiser. God provided in a huge way! Thanks for praying!

Prayer Request

Please pray for my sister, Stephanie, as she wings her way from Chile to Haiti tomorrow to visit her two sons awaiting adoption. Click here to read her post regarding what she hopes God will accomplish while she is in Haiti, and what her prayer requests are for the trip. Remember to pray for her husband, Pedro, and her three children at home, too, as they hold down the fort until their mama returns. Thank you!

Do You Believe in Miracles?

I just got off the phone with our adoption agency. Well, still not officially our adoption agency since we are lacking the fees to pay their fee and begin the process, but the agency we are planning on using. To make a long story short, they are in transition to become an affiliate of a larger agency, and if we don't have the $5500 to pay their agency fee in the next four weeks, we must begin the process all over again with the new agency and the fees will be more expensive...not a ton more, but every little bit adds on to the final cost of this adoption. Additionally, we are hearing that Taiwan may soon become a Hague country which means we will have the same paperwork issues we were having with China which caused us to choose Taiwan in the first place. If that happens before we are in a program, we will probably not be able to continue the adoption. I'm a bit discouraged, and again I'm wondering if we REALLY should be doing this when we have no money whatsoever at this point towards our agency fee (or the additional $15,000 we'll need after that!) and are struggling along with everyone else to make ends meet financially in this economy anyway. I'd appreciate your thoughts and prayers...what keeps me going is that I DO believe in miracles, and if God wanted to, He could plop all of the money we need in our laps today. Will He choose to do that? Probably not, but you never know! Please pray for wisdom and patience...thanks!

Busy Week

Where has this week gone? It always amazes me how fast the weeks fly by. It really makes me covet the time I spend with my children, and I'm so thankful that I can be home with them. I just pray that I'm using my time wisely, as it goes by so quickly!

There are several things on my mind tonight. I have committed to directing our church's Daily Vacation Bible School in July, and my mind is swirling with details related to that and our first committee meeting next Tuesday. I'm excited to possibly be using curriculum from Answers In Genesis...great stuff if you need a VBS curriculum. Check it out!

Please pray my two little nephews home from Haiti...my sister Stephanie is really praying that they will be home before June 24. You can read her post about that date here and I encourage you to also check out the rest of her blog if you haven't already. Haiti is such a random country when it comes to their adoption procedures; it is very different from what we are facing with Taiwan, and much more frustrating as a result.

Speaking of my sister Stephanie, today is her birthday. Happy Birthday, little sis! We love you lots and are so proud of you and all that you do for your family and the Lord. Keep up the great work! Hopefully Pedro treated you really well today!

Finally, we have had a bit of movement on our adoption proceedings this week. You can check out our updates at our adoption blog. Thanks for your continued prayers and thoughts!

Have a great weekend!

My Sister

My youngest sister and her husband are currently in Haiti spending time with their two newest sons. Haitian adoption is quite unpredictable these days, so they have no idea when they will be seeing their sons again and finalizing the adoption. You can read about their time in Haiti, and see darling photos of my newest nephews at my sister's adoption blog. I hope you check it out and leave her an encouraging comment. I know that it will be very hard for them to leave their boys next week...please pray for them!

Prayer Works...Keep Praying!

For those of you who read my last entry, I hope you have gone back to revisit Susannah via her mother's blog...she is a darling little girl who will soon be home in the US, thanks to a miraculous recovery and change of Chinese official hearts...prayer works!

So...let's keep on praying! This time, I would like to ask you to pray for my sister and brother-in-law, Stephanie and Pedro Garcia, who leave at 2:30 a.m. tomorrow (Tuesday) morning for Haiti to visit for 10 days with their two little soon-to-be-adopted sons. You can read all about their experiences (provided they have some connectivity in Haiti!) on my sister's blog, www.iansadoption.blogspot.com. Pray for safety, good health, and a wonderful time with their sons. Thanks!

Finally, read this to see how God is working to provide for our adoption expenses, one need at a time. God is faithful!

Urgent Prayer Request

Please pray for this family in China! They need a miracle...many miracles...to bring their little daughter Susannah home. They traveled to China to adopt their daughter, not knowing that she was very sick and near death in an antiquated hospital. You can read their blog here...let's pray them all home!

Another Busy Week

This afternoon I am headed to Delaware to stay with my parents for the week. I will be teaching the 2's and 3's at their church's Daily Vacation Bible School--pray for me! :) I don't know how often I will post this week, but I'll do my best! I have some photos from this past Thursday night when we took Benjamin to see his first movie to share with you when I get a chance. Jonathan and Sabastian both had good weeks at their respective places...I'll try to share more on that later as well. Happy rest of the weekend to all!

J + S

This is what Sabastian found etched on a plastic slime container lid that belonged to his older brother the other day. Jonathan tried to say he was writing "2 + 4" but I told him we were all smarter than that! Yes, my eldest, at the ripe old age of 13, has a special friend that is a girl.

And I'm not ready to deal with that!!!!

However, I'm dealing with it head on, as I usually deal with things, and it's actually going quite well. Perhaps he aptly realizes that I, too, am of the female variety, and can shed some light on these intriguing beings...I don't know. But we have been communicating well regarding his new friend and the pros and cons of this new relationship. Pray that I will continue to keep a level head and open heart and mind as we navigate these new waters...and if you have children who aren't teens yet...just wait! Your day is coming!!!!!

Tricia Update

Tricia came through the surgery and is "awake and aware" as her husband Nate puts it. You can read more about it here. Continue to pray that Tricia's body will not reject the new lungs and that everything will begin to function the way it should. The way the Creator made our bodies is so fascinating, and what medical science is now able to do is just amazing...but God is ultimately still in control!

P.S. If you are not currently an organ donor, please consider it!

Pray for Tricia!

It would be impossible to catch you up on their entire story, but go here to read it for yourself. However, at around 7:30 p.m. EST Tricia Lawrenson was wheeled into surgery for a double lung transplant. Please pray for her husband, Nate, and their little miracle girl, Gwyneth Rose, as they wait through the long hours of this operation. Pray for the surgeons to have wisdom and skill. Pray for the donor's family, as a they grieve their loss. To stay updated, visit Nate's blog often...their journey is amazing, inspiring, and God-honoring!

Prayer Request from Ebay Friend

Those of you who faithfully read my blog know that I have been on Ebay lately, attempting to purchase vintage tupperware to help organize my pantry. In so doing, I have "met" some very nice sellers through e-mail exchanges. One of those sellers is Judy, with whom I have exchanged many e-mails in an attempt to clarify some things. Long story short, I have found out that Judy's nephew, Jamie, has just been diagnosed with Wilson's Disease, a genetic disorder that causes excessive copper accumulation in the liver or brain, and is potentially fatal. This news has weighed heavily on her family as it comes on the heels of other losses in the family. I told her that I would be praying for Jamie, and her family, and asked if I could put his name on my blog so that others could pray, as I know most of my regular readers pray faithfully. She agreed, so I humbly ask that, as God brings Jamie and Judy to your mind, you would pray for them, and for God's will to be done in this situation. Judy and I thank you!

Beautiful Poem

To read a beautiful poem that my youngest sister wrote about the tragedy that has affected our family and the hope we have in Jesus Christ, please visit her blog here.

For a very moving and thought-provoking three-minute video that has increased significance for our family these days, please click here.

Please pray for my cousin and our entire family in the days and weeks ahead. Thank You!

What Resurrection Day Means To Me

It has been an emotional weekend for our extended family. We found out early Saturday morning that my cousin's wife and two sisters were in a fatal car accident late Friday night in upstate PA. My cousin's wife and her youngest sister were killed instantly when a drunk/high driver failed to negotiate a turn and hit them head on. The middle sister, who was driving, is in critical condition with internal injuries and a leg that is all but destroyed and will possibly need to be amputated to some degree. My cousin and his wife have a four year old daughter who was adopted from China a few years ago, and her sister and husband have three young sons and a foster son who subsequently was returned to social services...loss upon loss. The surviving sister has a 16 year old son. As details of this tragedy unfolded over the weekend, I couldn't help but think about the ramifications for my cousin, and how important it is to keep short accounts because you never know what the future holds. He didn't go to bed Friday night thinking that his wife and sisters-in-law wouldn't return home from dinner and shopping. He didn't expect to get awakened abruptly by state police at 4 a.m. with such horrendous news. He didn't expect to be burying his 39 year old wife this week and raising a daughter by himself. He didn't expect any of this...BUT IT WAS NOT A SURPRISE TO GOD.

Yesterday, my cousin's wife and her sister celebrated Resurrection Day in Heaven. They were embraced by their father, who passed away almost two years ago. They were greeted by my grandfather, who preceded them almost 25 years ago, whom my cousin's wife had heard a lot about, but had never met. And they were welcomed home by their Heavenly Father, the Lord of Lords and King of Kings, Jesus Christ himself, who made their eternity in Heaven possible through His sacrificial death and miraculous resurrection over 2000 years ago. For you see, at a specific point in time, both of these young ladies placed their faith and trust in Christ and asked Him to forgive them of their sins and be their Lord and Saviour...Jesus is the only way, the only truth, and the only life eternal.

As we gathered to celebrate Resurrection Day at church yesterday, we sang that beautiful Gaither song, "Because He Lives". As I sang the familiar words, I was struck afresh and anew by the third stanza and chorus:

And then one day I'll cross that river,

I'll fight life's final war with pain;

And then, as death gives way to victory,

I'll see the lights of glory--

And I'll know He lives.

Because He lives I can face tomorrow,

Because He lives all fear is gone;

Because I know He holds the future

And life is worth the living--

Just because He lives.

I thought of my cousin, and the peace he has in the midst of his grief, because he knows his wife is in Heaven, and he will see her again someday. And the hope he has in the midst of his grief, because he knows that God will sustain him and his daughter through the difficult days ahead...BECAUSE JESUS LIVES! It is my prayer that all who read this blog would know that same peace and that same hope that only trusting in Jesus's finished work on the cross can bring. If you do not know that if YOU were to be struck by a drunk driver tonight and killed instantly, YOU would be in Heaven with Jesus...please allow me to share with you how you CAN be sure!

What does Resurrection Day mean to me?

BECAUSE HE LIVES, I CAN FACE TOMORROW...AND WHATEVER TOMORROW BRINGS!

Answered Prayer

Every morning, we try to have family devotions with the boys before they leave for school. Since Dave works second shift, he isn't always too coherent at 7:30 a.m., so I tend to read the scripture and corresponding devotional. We then all take turns praying. My parents always had a prayer schedule and list for our family devotions as children, so I decided to try that in order to help the boys focus on others and not just themselves in their prayers. It has also helped them to think a little bit more about what they are saying when they pray. We take turns praying for various family members, missionaries we support, friends, and "others" such as teachers, our government leaders, etc. This morning it was Sabastian's turn to pray for my sister, Jennifer, and her family who are missionaries to Chile. Little did we know how God would specifically answer Sabastian's prayer for safety for them. Today, a Cessna plane crashed just three blocks from their house, killing all on board and several people on the ground who were exercising on the playing field where the plane landed. My brother-in-law heard the plane struggling overhead and saw it coming down very low over their house. They live only a couple of blocks from my other sister, who was not home at the time. You can read what the U.S. news is saying about this terrible accident here, and you can visit my sister's blog here and see what she has to say. Tonight, when I prayed with the boys before bedtime, I shared with them how God answered Sabastian's prayers very specifically today. The newspapers are crediting the pilot for veering away from the houses in the neighborhood...I say God deserves the credit!